Funmurphys: the Blog

David Broder's Call For Service

David Broder is a sober, thoughtful pundit who rarely provkes a gut reaction in me. But his column about national service provoked one in me, and that amazing thing is that I'm still churning away days later when I have a chance to write about it.

I suppose what provoked the response was the root attitude towards people and liberty that incensed me so. National service is such a seductive proposal, and yet one so at odds with the notion of liberty for all that this nation was founded on. And Mr. Broder's tying it to the military echoes Edward Bellamy's great socialist novel, Looking Backward. Perhaps it was the way Broder wrapped socialism in the flag that I found so offensive.

David starts simply and appropriately enough, admiring the success and quality of our armed forces on Memorial Day. But that's not enough.

"It does not demean or dishonor them to suggest that this holiday is also a time to consider whether the ideal of national service, which they represent, should be extended to a much larger part of our population -- especially our young people."

So now we're going to take the all volunteer army, an army composed of people who are doing what they want, who are at liberty to fight for their country, and somehow that relates to compulsory service, people forced to unwillingly labor for others' ends. There are many service groups, here and abroad, that would lovingly support anyone who willingly wants to labor for his fellow man.

"But there is also a real cost to this country for indulging the notion among those who are entering adulthood that they have no obligation to their country.

...

But even acknowledging all of this, compared with any past generation of Americans and to any similar cohort of young people in the world, most American youths have extraordinary opportunities, because this country has decided rightly that they are the very best investment we can make.

Is it wrong to suggest that those who are the recipients of this national investment might be asked to give something back to their community and their country? I do not think so."

Ask away David, but do not tell. Is there anything stopping people from volunteering their time, talent, and energies for causes they think are worthwhile? None. So please, ask, exhort, implore, plead, beg, admonish all you want. But there is a big difference between reminded people how nice they have it, how they are but pygmies on the shoulders of giants, and forcing them to do what you think they should do -- that big difference is the difference between liberty and tyranny.

"Through the luck of history and through the decisions of their elders, no young Americans for three decades have been required to give up a period of their lives for military service. That exemption has nothing to do with their merits or their superior qualities. It is purely a matter of timing."

Um, David, the draft is a rarity, not a constant, and traditionally (in this country, anyway) has only been resorted to in times of war or more recently in times of cold war. And even then it wasn't universal.

But this is all warm and up throat clearing.

"Meanwhile, we know that large unmet needs abound in this society. In the past few months I have gone to briefings on reports documenting the looming staffing crises in nursing, in teaching, in a wide variety of social services and in the bureaucracies of state and federal government. In each of these fields, an aging workforce, often underpaid, is being forced to work beyond acceptable limits to meet the demands of this society. "

You've got to be kidding me. We need to force young people into involuntary servitude so that we'll have enough government bureaucrats? Say it ain't so, Dave. Actually, nobody is forced to work beyond acceptable limits to meet the demands of this society - you can always quit and do something else. But under national service, people will be forced to work, although not for the demands of society, but for the demands of David Broder. Perhaps we should handle this through the market, you know, where you pay people to do what you want. Why do we have to meet this looming shortage the soviet way? I don't recall it working so well for them.

"Meanwhile, each year at this time, hundreds of thousands of young men and women are graduating from colleges (where the cost of their education has been subsidized, directly or indirectly, by the public) and are being encouraged to pursue their careers, without much regard to their societal obligations. Those careers can be productive and fulfilling and often of great value to the nation. But the good that these young men and women (and their counterparts finishing high school, junior college and trade schools) could do if they all contributed a year of their lives at the outset of their careers is almost incalculable."

It isn't seemly for a man of David's age to drool over young people, but drool he does. Who decides what all these young people are going to do? David Broder? Society at large? Guess what, the market is how society at large determines the worth of people's contributions (see F.A. Hayek). Forced labor (or national service, same difference) is how a privileged few determine the worth of people's contributions. OK, can you tell that this is the truly maddening part? If all that matters is the good that youth could do if they contribute a year of their lives (of course, it isn't a contribution since that implies something voluntary which isn't what David is talking about), then why stop at one year. Wouldn't the good be twice as much if they were required to forgo two years. But let's not think small, let's go whole hog. Why not just force them to do good until they drop dead while still in the state's harness? Oh yeah, that's been tried and didn't work out so good.

Why don't we have all those people collecting social security staff government bureaucracies? Rather than demand that our youth give up a year of their lives for David's desire to do good, why don't we simply require that all those people collecting government money work for it? No doubt that would be awful and demeaning and unworkable; requiring college graduates to work for nothing but the honor of being an American would be ennobling and easy to administer.

"Especially at a time when vital home-front tasks are being shortchanged because of tight budgets, the wealth of talent and energy represented by our young people could make a huge difference if applied to the nation's needs."

So my choice is to raise taxes or send our children into involuntary servitude? Isn't there a third way?

"It would take the spirit of this holiday and give it real substance."

No, it would pervert the ideals that this country stands for, and defame the memory of those who died so that I and my children could live in freedom and be at liberty to pursue the aims that we think best. That's the whole crux of the matter - how do you organize your society. Do people create a better society by each individual working to the goals that they think are best; or do we force people to serve others. This country has demonstrated over the years that the first method creates the better society.

Irish Proverb 7

When the apple is ripe, it will fall.

Billy Bob Beats Bubba

When Billy Bob first sued Bubba, Billy Bob won a 142,000 dollar judgement. But a judge ruled that Billy Bob didn't fill out the paperwork properly. Fortunately for Billy Bob, the 7th circuit court of appeals (after consulting with Austin Powers) has reinstated the award. So the makers of Billy-Bob Teeth, worn by Mike Myers in his Austin Powers movies, have been upheld in their claim that Bubba Teeth infringes on their copyright/trade dress. And threw just such oddball suits is America made safe for capitalism.

Dumb Laws

We've all heard about dumb laws, but here's a site that collects them. Going to Alaska to hunt bear? That's legal, just don't wake them up to take their picture, though. Planning on moving to Idaho? Great, just don't sweep dirt from your house out onto the sidewalk or street. Closer to home, you can't honk someone else's horn without their permission in University City. I'll remember that next time I'm there. Next time you take your wife to Vermont, she'll have to get your permission to wear false teeth. And if you're going to South Carolina, you'd better read up on the laws there (whatever you do, don't keep your horse in a bathtub).

The Cat Amongst The Pigeons

Sweedish golfing bombshell Annika Sorenstam is playing with the big boys at a PGA tournament. This has provoked much grumbling on the PGA circuit; the PGA is considering an explicit ban on women in response. While it's playing out in the media as a classic knuckle dragging men vs. virtous women morality play, I'm not sure that's the whole truth. Certainly Ms. Sorenstam has every right to play in a PGA tournament where I hope she (along with every one else) plays her best. And it would be sheer churlishness for anyone to quit the tournament if paired with her as Vijay Singh said he would. But why can't men play in the LPGA? Where's the outrage over that? If it's funny that the men fret they'll be beaten why a women, why isn't it funny that the women fret so much they'd be beaten by a man that they banned men?

It comes down to economics, of course. And the only part of Mr. Singh remarks that had any resonance with me was when speaking in opposition to Ms. Sorenstam playing at a PGA tournament was that she was taking a spot from someone in the field. While I don't agree, I understand: it's fine and well for someone to measure herself against men, but it's a business, and you're taking money away from a union member. It's not about the gender, it's about the money. Surely sexism plays a role, but the reason there is a PGA and an LPGA is money. What would happen if the top ten or twenty female golfers joined the PGA? Well, that would knock ten or twenty men out of the game, and smaller pay days for many who remain -- while the play might be elevated, more people means more losers and more people chasing endorsements. Would the LPGA survive? Maybe, but the money might well shrink, as it would be the Second Rate Ladies Pro Golfing Association. So I can see a compelling, non-sexist reason why most men in the PGA would want to keep women out: it cuts down on the competition. And that's the same reason the LPGA bans men.

Clay or Reuben?

While I spent most of the evening playing ball with The Fruit Of The Murphy Loins^TM last night, we did come in to watch part of American Idol. So now its come down to Clay and Reuben. Neither of them is my cup of tea (my favorite, Vanessa, is long gone), but they both are great singers. My wife tried to vote for Clay -- she thinks Reuben just sings the same song all the time -- but couldn't get through for three hours. Welcome to American, the land of instant celebrity. It isn't about being the best singer in America, just the best known.

Happy Anniversary

My wife and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary yesterday. We had an elegant meal at The Seven Gables Inn. I've been taking a class in Clayton this week, and so we met at the Galleria, got some shopping done (the route to a woman's heart, BTW), and then went to dinner. The food was excellent, the staff was helpful and friendly, and the company outstanding. If you're looking for a nice place to go, you should try the Seven Gables Inn. And I recommend marriage even more highly.

Texans flee to Oklahoma

I suppose what you think about Democrat legislators in Texas fleeing to Oklahoma depends on your political orientation. It sure seems undemocratic to me for the minority legislators to keep from losing a vote through non-voting means. The point of a democracy is that the people decide; this isn't about some fundamental rights of the minority, nor is it about doing what is right the only way possible. This just undermines democracy - if you lose an election but are unwilling to accept those results, you are usurping authority. And it tends to provoke a non-democratic response.

Computer Programming

Any fool can write code a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.

Congratulations, Becca and Steve

It's official - I'm not just a pretty good uncle, I'm a Great Uncle. Little Caleb Matthew Kinchelow arrived last night to great joy. Mother and baby are doing fine; no word on dad, but a great aunt and uncle are in shock. We're not old, we just feel that way.

Some People Never Learn

First it was the quagmire in Afganistan (not really, but since I'm writing this, I can start the count where I want). Then it was the hundred thousand civilians we were going to kill in Iraq. Then it was the quagmire in Iraq. Now it's the lack of WMD in Iraq. When is the anti-Bush crowd going to realize they need to shut up and let events play out before they make their complaints? Did they ever stop to think maybe the administration might take their sweet time checking things out before making an announcement, and then they would once again look like idiots? Just a thought.

My Letter to Bill Bennett

Bill,

I'm glad you admitted you had a gambling problem. Even if you're not a gambling addict and can afford to lose the money, do you really want your money supporting the gambling industry? An industry that not only ruins lives wherever it goes, but betrayed your confidence and insulted you behind your back even though you were an outstanding customer and treated you like a king to your face. Surely a virtuous man can find better ways to spend time and money.

If you find playing video slots and video poker for high stakes relaxing, and want to continue to do so without actual gambling, then might I suggest that you can still do this at home with a casino game on a PC? To "keep it interesting", you could donate your losses to charity, and spend the money on the wife when you win. You'd get the fun and relaxation, and other people would benefit as well.

If you want to make a clean break with gambling, but enjoy the experience of solitaire gaming, you could try computer games. In Diablo, you get to slay the forces of evil -- sounds pretty virtuous to me. In Civilization, you can build a society to withstand the test of time. I'm not sure about the virtue part, but I sure find it relaxing. In Black and White, you get to be a deity for good or evil -- temptation and virtue in the same package. And as far as stakes go, it doesn't get any higher in those three games, what with the fate of the earth riding on the outcome and all. I'd mention the Sims, but you should wait since Sims 2 is coming out, and despite your detractors, I don't think you really want to micromanage other people's lives like the Sims has you do. Frankly, after parenthood, the Sims is too much like work.

If violent video games are on the forbidden list, I guess there's always gardening.

Your Friend,

Kevin Murphy

We Love Our Storms

Here in the midwest, we are proud that we have the most extreme weather on the planet. The hot is hot, the cold cold, and the storms the strongest. Last night we had a strong thunderstorm roll through St. Louis - the light show was fantastic. Not only did we have some huge ground strikes, but the cloud to cloud bolts were awesome.

Of course, the wind does the most damage, so the National Weather Service has put together a wind damage fast response team to rate the severity of tornados. Needless to say, the strength of the tornado that strikes one's town is source of pride around these parts, so the locals don't always take kindly to a low score on the Fujita scale. Charles Doswell, team member and veteran stormchaser, still recalls the ire of a town that wasn't impressed with his F3 rating on a local tornado - T-Shirts with "F-3, my ass" became quite popular there. The team has been called out to evaluate the tornados that struck across the midwest last Sunday night. Maybe I should open a cafe press store with weather related T-Shirts. Somehow, I don't think "F-3, my ass" is copyrighted.

UPDATE: My T-shirt dreams are gone with the wind: The most destructive ones in Missouri from last Sunday have been rated as F-4s.

Why Is This Art?

Yesterday the whole family went to the St. Louis Art Museum with friends from church. We had an elegant brunch and then enjoyed the beauty of the objects d'art. Paintings, weavings, sculptures, sarcofogi, furniture, and other assorted brick a brack from earlier era's were all quite beautiful. Then we heaved ourselves up to the modern art section on the third floor. My daughter kept asking me, "Why is this art?" I had no answer other than I didn't consider it art, even though it was in an Art Museum. Many of the pieces were untitled - cut up golden torsos strewn about the floor; a wood cabinet filled with concrete; eight small nails connected by thin wire; an enormous burned canvas; a huge framework containing trashcans smashed flat and filled with broken glass, and broken glass on the floor in front; paintings of vague shapes that perhaps were meant to be people. It was a phantasmagoria of whatever: no talent, no beauty, no truth, no vision, no connection. Ty and Amy Wynn make more artwork on a single episode of Trading Spaces than was contained in the entire section devoted to Modern and 20th Century art at the Museum. How embarrassing for the artists of today. What a sad epilogue for the proud artistic traditon of Western Civilization. I can only speak for myself, but if that is a representative sample of what passes for Art these days, then modern art is completely bankrupt, a fraud, an insult to humanity, a desecration of the memory of all the artists who labored in the past to enrich civilization with their art and added to our rich artistic heritage. Tell me again why my tax dollars are subsidizing this nonsense.