WHAT TO DO WITH HOTEL SOAP
The following letters are supposedly taken from an actual incident between aLondon hotel and one of it's guests. The Hotel ended up submitting theletters to the London Sunday Times!
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroomsince I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopenedlittle bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in theshower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from herday off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as yourequested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top ofyour Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves onlythe 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is toleave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the littlebars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to behere in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so Iwon't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in my waywhen shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which we areinstructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your way onthe shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dialin the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the 3complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet forall new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in lastMonday. Please let me know if I can of further assistance.
Your regular maid,
Dotty
Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that youcalled him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. Ihave assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologiesfor any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contactme so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AMand 5PM.Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel forbusiness at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's the reasonI called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only askedMr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. Thenew maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, sinceshe left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with herregular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here Ihave accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your roomand remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please callextension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my roomincluding my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to callthe bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. Icannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids areinstructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. Thesituation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for theinconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last nightand found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. Iwant my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars ofsoap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back mybath-size Dial.
S. Berman
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed. Then youcomplained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I personallyreturned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you aresupposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4 CashmereBouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soapsso she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know whereyou got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate somebath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As oftoday I possess:
- On the shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1stack of 2.
- On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
- On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet,
- 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
- Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
- In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
- On the northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
- On the northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks areneatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not inuse and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One moreitem, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping inthe hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
This page last updated 5 May 1998