MY EIGHTH LETTER TO JON CARROLL
If you've read my previous letters to Jon Carroll, you should know all about him, so I won't repeat myself. If you haven't, then read them! This letter was not written in response to a previous column, but simply came to me one day. It didn't even start out being a letter per se, let alone to Mr. Carroll. I just made it a letter to him so that I could use it. Anyway, his reply to the letter follows.
Subject: A Few Questions
And Mr. Carroll's reply, which ABSOLUTELY crushed me, since I thought I was sending some of my funniest stuff and he was so serious in return (although that last bit might just be a dig at me):
I have to say that you are really writing some great columns these days. In the future, when the great critics gather to debate your work, they'll dub this period your vintage years.
Congratulations on your daughter's wedding.
And now, I have some questions for you.
When you get your email and see email@example.com in the "from" column do you
(a) recognize the name and think "good, a funny break from reality",
(b) recognize the name and think "how long is this bozo going to keep hounding me",
(c) say to yourself "I wonder who this could be from", or
(d) say to yourself "this better be some porno spam!"?
When you get a fawning email saying how great you are, do you
(a) say to yourself "how dull, another fawning letter",
(b) put it in a file with others to show to management the next time you ask for a raise,
(c) show it to your wife and say "A writer as gifted as me shouldn't be demeaned by doing handyman work around the home", or
(d) say to yourself "gee, it's too bad it wasn't porno spam!"?
When you get an email deriding you for some imagined fault (this is a hypothetical question), do you
(a) say to yourself "how dull, another derisive letter",
(b) say to yourself "good, I need to be kept grounded",
(c) write a flamer back and sign it Jon "Kickin' Ass" Carroll complete with graphic of bucking donkey with hooves of fire, or
(d) say to yourself "why couldn't it have been porno spam!"?
And finally, when you get porno spam, do you
(a) delete it before reading it and think "how long are these bosoms going to keep hounding me",
(b) save it for some night when your wife is out with the girls and you need to "do some research for the column",
(c) put it in a file with others to show to management the next time you ask for a raise, or
(d) show it to your wife and say "A man who is so zealously pursued by foxy babes shouldn't be demeaned by doing handyman work around the home!"?
I anxiously await your reply.
I don't actually notice the email address too much; i just respond to
content. i like praise just like anyone likes praise; i try to stay open to
criticism. And for some reason i get zero porno spam -- mostly people
wanting to increase my website traffic.
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This page last updated 31 August 1998
Contents copyright Kevin Murphy 1998. All rights reserved.