I like movies. The fruit of the Murphy Loins are old enough that I can go see movies without them. I don’t see that many movies. What’s wrong with this picture?

Hollywood.

Hollywood has real difficulty in making good movies. I don’t expect lots of great movies to be made every year — I’m happy with one or two. Of course, some years it’s zero. But that’s a reasonable expectation for greatness in film making. The trouble is all those other movies.  Look what’s playing now in box office order:
(1) The Amityville Horror. A remake of a poor horror film — that’s a prescription for a winner.
(2) Sahara — Uh, is this something different than the remake of The Flight of the Phoenix?
(3) Fever Pitch — The Farrelly Brothers, could be good, but Jimmy Fallon, not too likely.
(4) Sin City — Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez! I’d love to go see this one, but I doubt I could ever get the wife to go. I’ll have to see if guys night at the movies can be brought back.
(5) Guess Who — A remake. The female half of the family saw this while the male half was doing chess. My daughter liked it but my wife thought it stunk. 
(6) Beauty Shop — A copy. I’m completely the wrong demographic for this one.
(7) Robots — My brother saw this one and was not impressed. This is a common problem – a movie that promises a lot but only delivers a little. I much prefer the ones that promise a little but deliver a lot.
(8) Miss Congeniality 2 — a sequal. Could be good, love Sandra, but realistically not a must see movie.
(9) The Pacifier — I can’t admit in public that I’d like to see this movie.
(10) The Upside of Anger — This could be my kind of movie, but it has chick flick written all over it. That was the great thing about Tin Cup – it looked like a chick flick in the previews, but it was really a guy film when you saw it.

Is this really a lineup that inspires you to see more than 2 movies? 5 out of the top 10 is what they should be shooting for, but they can’t get there.

Contrary to the rumor started by my lack of posting, I haven’t been spirited off to a secret bunker. I have changed projects at work and life has been busy – in other words, situation normal. I managed to see two, count ’em two movies last weekend at the movie theater. That hasn’t happened since, well, since seeing two movies in one weekend wasn’t a big deal. First up was a family outing to see Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow which was a fantastic B movie — a whole lot of fun and not much else. Then we saw Shall We Dance?” with friends. I enjoyed the movie, a mix of comedy and drama with Richard Gere for the ladies and J Lo for the gentlemen. I can recommend both movies.

I was watching Singing In The Rain with my daughter tonight. I take the position that no matter how much I have to do, if my 13 year old daughter wants to spend time with the old man, I spend it. And I’m a big fan of the movie. Anyway, we tuned in at the start of the “Moses Supposes” song, and when we got to the “Gotta Dance” number, I was struck by a thought (I assure you, I’m used to it so it doesn’t hurt when it happens). 

There is an amazing structural similarity between musicals and action flicks. In musicals, they periodically sing for no particular reason; in action flicks, they periodically do violence for no particular reason. In musicals, they have these large, elaborately staged production numbers that may or may not have anything to do with the plot or characterization, but they sure are fun; in action flicks, they have these large, elaborately staged action sequences that may or may not have anything to do with the plot or characterization, but they sure are fun. In fact, musicals often have the flimsiest of plot and characterization, and stuff is added clearly not because they make any sense but for their worth as spectacle — which is just like action flicks. No musical would be complete without a buddy and the guy getting the girl in the end, which is also the standard for action flicks.

You could remake Singing In The Rain as an action movie very simply – snip out all the singing and dancing and replace it with violence and explosions and you’d be done. Then I could watch that version with my 10 year old son.

One of the joys of vacation for The Murphy Family is seeing movies. It is a long tradition for us, and we have improved on it in recent years by seeing two movies near simultaneously: a kids movie and a grown up movie. Our sojurn in Memphis was no different. So while the Fruit of the Murphy Loins enjoyed the latest Scoobie Doo movie, the Fearless Leaders watched Jersey Girl — chosen mainly for scheduling reasons. The Fruit have seen very few kids movies they didn’t like; I wish the Fearless Leaders could say the same about their movie choices. While Jersey Girl wasn’t bad, ultimately, it wasn’t good either.

Hollywood makes a lot of movies every year, yet only 4 or 5 are worth seeing. As we watched the trailers proceeding the movie, I was struck repeatedly by the thought “who in their right mind would think people would want to watch this hunk of junk?” A tidal wave of movie crap washes over us. There is a reason video games have passed up movies at making money. I don’t know if there ever was a true golden age of Hollywood movies, but it today it seems the industry is driven less by the desire to make a buck and more by the desire to pamper stars. How many lousy Kevin Costner pictures were made flattering his ego and confirming that he is completely out of touch? The star system in both movies and sports (another industry where stars are overpaid and overpraised) is worsening the product.

2002 was a banner year for Hollywood, with the number of admissions rising to record levels and a gross take of 9.5 billion dollars (I have to stop using the 6 billion I used to quote). Spiderman, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding were the top five grossers. Guess what, none of the top 20 films were rated R. I like a good grownup movie, but Hollywood has a hard time making good grownup movies. 

The attendance figures don’t add up for me — 99 percent of the movie going public is over the age of 12. All those family movies and nobody under 12 — are the Fruit of the Murphy Loins the only two kids under 12 going to movies? And the 17% who are 50 and over — they all go to rush hour shows in St. Louis in my experience. Since half the audience is under 30, I don’t feel so bad about all the movies I have no interest in seeing — they weren’t made for me.

Read a wonderful review of a wonderful movie at a wonderful site.